May 1st to May 15th 2025

I want to start with a quick little tidy up of what was left at the end of Part 8, and then draw a line under it and move on.

In the week after, I was carrying around this deep sense of sadness, which was strange at first because I’ve celebrated my dad’s birthday before and then been fine but, and this is the key point, I found myself looking at his photo every day, where it sits on my desk and despite this being lovely, it is also a daily reminder of the pain I associate with it. It’s bittersweet, and I didn’t arrive at this rather obvious answer immediately.

At first, I couldn’t work out what I was sad about, or even that I was sad at all. I went back to a rage room, (pre-arranged and unconnected), and because I was feeling down, there was nothing to feel angry about. Absent-mindedly, I found myself tidying up! I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before but back in 2017, I returned to university part-time to train and qualify as a mental health counsellor (not my day job) and so I’m very good at knowing how to connect with how I’m feeling. After the rage room, I tapped into that feeling of sadness to work out why and, afterwards, it was only on a walk to work one morning about a week later that I acknowledged the thought ‘Yeah, this is a bit much to carry right now.’ And so that photo has been placed somewhere safe where I won’t always see it. There’s always going to be positive and negative stuff when I think of my father but that’s OK. The really tough stuff is done. The rest of it I can live with, most of the time. And that’s where the line will be drawn. Enough now.

The other thing this highlighted is that I can see where and how my writing can improve. I didn’t write that pool anecdote as an exercise in writing. It just felt relevant. But having read it again, from a critical perspective, I can definitely see where it could be better. And that is pleasing, because it means these blogs are working and I’m seeing my writing differently. I think what helps when I write, or at least when I enjoy writing most of all, is when I am emotionally connected with it. I can see, smell, taste, and hear the scene and characters and that makes it much easier to get a draft done, at the very least. I am no expert but it’s always good when I see something I can improve upon. I won’t share it here but I’ll probably take that anecdote and use it as an exercise for exactly this.

Anyway, that was the first week or so. The rest of these 15 days was testing UrbX Warriors (which I am thoroughly enjoying – hopefully more on that soon!), and then a few bits of collecting, some reading, and some time for gaming.

I did pre-order what I believe will be my last special edition of The Farseer Trilogy. I have four different versions of these and even I have to admit that this is enough. Original, 20^th Anniversary, Illustrated, and now these so I feel my collection is strong. I posted about this on my socials and Robin Hobb reposted it, which led to the most engagement I’ve ever had!

Keeping with the theme of books, I am slowly reading through and enjoying Ben Galley’s Emaneska series. His Dead Stars: Part One Kickstarter last year had a pledge level for commissions by artist, Denis Kornev. I’ve also been enjoying Ben’s short stories, in particular A Feast for Wolves, and asked for this scene. Giving nothing away, it’s been affectionately referred to as The Battle of Wolves.

Gaming (for fun!) has been interesting. Destiny 2 now boasts a way to play end game content at differing levels of difficulty. This is something I’ve been hoping for for a long time. There is nothing worse than seeing content pass me by, knowing I cannot experience it without outside help. I have been lucky over recent years to meet some amazing players who are kind-hearted and patient but I have had to learn and focus upon raising my level by soloing some of this, and it can be tough. All I’ve ever really wanted is to be able to play through these encounters and learn at my own pace, and experience parts of the story that I will have missed. What this new feature offers is a long overdue but very gratefully received way of keeping me engaged and prepared for runs with players in future. The Spire of the Watcher dungeon is far more enjoyable when I know what’s going on! And maybe over the coming weeks, when Ghosts of the Deep has its turn, I’ll manage to add this to my rotation too. I don’t care about the loot (I know, shocking when you consider this is primarily a first-person looter shooter), I just care about the story and the experience, so it’s added some extra-impetus in staying engaged with the game, having achieved nearly everything I’d aimed for, especially with a tempting new expansion so tantalisingly close…

Until next time, stay safe, and thank you for reading.

Paul.