15 Days: Part 23

March 16th to March 31st 2026

Finding A New Way Forward

Sometimes, when I write these blogs, there’s not very much to do with testing. If you’ve been reading them for a while, I think you already know this. So, when I say I’ve been very reflective over the last 15 Days, you’ll likely know that there’s something different ahead, and you are right.

Much has been done over the last two weeks. Time well spent. Testing, reading, writing, a significant change of habit, and that satisfied feeling of getting something boring but meaningful done.

Most of all though, there’s been an unexpected journey towards some semblance of peace and clarity, which all started with a very normal experience.

I mentioned in Part 22 that I had thought about whether this testing journey had run its course for me. Have no doubt, this was a very serious consideration. These thoughts have come and gone before but this was different. I am not sure why and, for this particular instance, I’m not sure I will ever know. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter because there is nothing quite like returning to the day job on a Monday morning, after a week off, to motivate one to spend their spare time doing the things they love. That’s not a slight upon the day job; more a realisation that time is precious. Do the things you love as often as you responsibly can.

I’m not sure if it’s my age (I’ve never been forty-five before), the way the world is lately (or over the past 5-8 years, for that matter), the situations/scenarios I find myself in, or simply my every-so-often stock-take of what’s going on in my life but I cannot deny that there’s been a lot going on for me personally. Nothing bad, actually. Health is good. I am grateful for a roof over my head. I appreciate the little things and how lucky I am to have the life I do. I am forever grateful to be married to the perfect wife; someone I do not take for granted. No, this is something else, and perhaps my aforementioned stock-take is the right term.

I recently returned to a town where I spent most of my twenties. I’ve been back before and felt nothing but this visit stirred up memories everywhere I looked. The park I used to sit in, the shops I used to visit, the pubs and bars I frequented, even the places I lived. Every recollection a memory of a time gone by. Not a time I wish to revisit, in truth, but a stark reminder of how I have changed over the years, for better and for worse.

I did also wonder if this was the mid-life crisis I have been expecting but I’ve no desire to buy a sports car, dye my hair or do whatever it is stereotypical mid-life crisis people do. I have also occasionally considered whether I’m stuck, psychologically, in the life of a fifteen-year-old (thanks to Mr. Erikson’s Stages of Development for that) so hitting a mid-life crisis would actually be a blessing. Truthfully, this is more about sifting through why I was experiencing these feelings. I admit that I didn’t enjoy it; and the day trip was a difficult one.

What drove those feelings and stark reminders? I’m not certain but what is written here is certainly an attempt to find out.

As I write this, I cannot help but think of my maternal grandfather. His wit was the sharpest and cruelest I’ve ever encountered. It was godlike and horrific in equal measure. He could be cutting and mean, kind-hearted and hilarious, and I’ve never known a man to be so many extreme personalities all at once. It was like walking on egg-shells whenever I was in his presence. Intelligence that shone blindingly, and yet a baffling lack of awareness and self-control. As time’s gone by, there’s no doubt some of that influenced me in situations where wit was unintended and, thankfully, controlled. For example, remember that time I grew a beard because of my father? Well, many years ago, at my day job, minding my own business and using the office printer, someone walked up to me and said “I prefer you clean shaven.”. My immediate, non-negotiable response was “Well, I wish you were two feet taller, three stones lighter, and looked like Kate Beckinsale but you don’t. So fuck off.” Thankfully I had complete control of the function between brain and mouth so no-one was offended and I didn’t end up in HR but, to this day, I am secretly proud of myself. Also, please bear in mind that I had endured many months of ridicule and negativity about my appearance, with only one positive comment from a colleague who actually grew a really admirable beard (something I could only have dreamt of). This latter comment I took as a truly genuine compliment. Either way, I think my grandfather would have been proud of my instant, albeit internal, response to the clean-shaven judgement. And I can’t help but imagine a wry smile on his face.

Another memory comes to mind. Between he and my grandmother, they both taught me how to play backgammon; my favourite board game. Looking back, I think my grandmother let me win, whereas my grandfather refused to give me an inch. And I suspect this influenced how I played pool in my earlier years. I gave nothing away; to beat me was to have earned it. Nowadays, I channel the way of my grandmother and I have secretly…let’s just say ‘not tried as hard as I could’. I will always want to win but I can see when it would mean more to my opponent than I need it to mean to me. As I’ve mentioned in a previous 15 Days, I’ve won everything I ever needed to when it comes to pool. Sometimes, other people need it more. Sometimes, they need to believe in themselves, just like the times I’ve needed to believe in myself.

And why do I bring this up now? Because I can see that the last 15 days has been about me comparing then and now, and the time in between where I believe my standards have changed along the way. For good reasons, in some cases. To my detriment, in others. I think of comments made to me very recently by work colleagues and what I can only deem as derogatory and demeaning (unless, of course, that is how I have chosen to interpret them). And so here I am, finding myself thinking, reflecting, coming to terms with the me of then and the me of now and trying my damnedest to find a balance between the two, whilst also taking the best bits of it all and meshing them together to march forward. I hope, more than anything else for myself, I find what I need and go for it. Because after everything, in this world that grows crazier by the day; a world I am wondering whether I recognise or even understand anymore, there is nothing else but now. This understanding is more important than ever. There’s no point hoping for that lottery win. All I can do is make forward progress towards a life that I can look back on and say “I used my time as best I could.”.

Sometimes I think of life in the same way I do stories I’ve read. I used to want to know a story from start to finish. Every detail covered, every plotline nicely tied up. Now I am accepting of the fact that sometimes I only see a part of an overarching story. I can pick it up partway through, working out the gaps as I go along. Not knowing everything all the time is alright. It’s not a bad life lesson, and another reason not to let the unknown derail you from your goals.

Anyway, I’m not sure all of this makes sense but I’m not really writing this part for anyone else but me. As a good friend once said to me “It’s your own little puzzle.”, and I’m certain there’s a bit more to come.

So, as I alluded to earlier, there’s been a lot I’ve been reflecting on.

Also, do they still make Galaxy Minstrels?

See what I mean?

Yes. Yes, they do still make Galaxy Minstrels.

Anyway, there actually is some testing stuff to share.

I’ve focused time on several projects so far this year. Ad hoc testing on titles that I can drop into as and when. It’s not something I usually do but it keeps testing fresh, and because these projects are in different genres, it mixes my approach somewhat. Last time I mentioned Grumpy Jack, and this time I tested a full playthrough of what is likely to be a final version before it releases on May 27th. Personally, the titles from VP Games hit a good note with me and I always come away from a session feeling like I had a good time. I also go back afterwards and play them for the enjoyment of it; no testing involved. I enjoyed Super Roboy and I think I like Grumpy Jack even more. It’s fun! Sometimes that’s all a game needs to be! I do recommend it, and if you click the image above, you’ll go straight to the store page.

My main focus within these other tests has been UrbX Warriors, which continues its march towards completion. I really enjoy this dynamic. Stoo creates art and animation, Tony programs and implements it, (they both do a lot more than this and I am very aware of the work they’ve put into the game), and then I test it. This is what happens, in its simplest form.

What’s also worked well is that the demo acts as a base environment for anything new that goes into the game. I grab that build, test the new addition, make sure everything else continues to behave as it should, and that then becomes the new build. It’s a clever, organised way of ticking off important tasks. Of course, things don’t always go as smoothly as we’d like and I flit between self-congratulation when I break it and humbly offering the bugs I’ve found with an awkward expression on my face. It all gets sorted though and if you could see the progress made from last year, I think you’d be very impressed. I know I am. I’ve played that demo more times than I can remember and I’ve not been bored once. The more I play the demo, the more I appreciate the level of skill and dedication that’s gone into it. When it releases, I think you’re in for a real treat.

The latest demo link is here: https://ufospares.itch.io/urbx-warriors

The Brazen Gameplay discord link is here: https://discord.gg/4JSBR2v6

Game Dev Heroes 2026: Not that long ago, it occurred to me that not everyone that contributes to game development is actually recognised or acknowledged by the many awards bodies dotted throughout the industry (or is it indiestry?) and that felt like such a shame because there are many aspects to making a game that should be celebrated.

I posted something in this vein on my socials, and across all of them there was only one response highlighting just a single awards ceremony dedicated to exactly what I was hoping for. They’re called Game Dev Heroes.

Seeing people celebrating those individuals behind the scenes within the games industry was truly pleasing to see. And yes, there is a category for both QA and Unsung Hero.😉
I’ll just leave the link right here…: https://gamedevheroes.co/

Books, TV and Games

I’m reading The Priory Of The Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon at the moment and at just over eight hundred pages, it’s taking a while! Well written though and I am enjoying it.

TV and film have been good. I’ve watched more than I thought. I finished Paradise – Season 2 (called the ending, by the way), House – Season 6, Last One Laughing UK – Season 2, Only Murders In The Building – Season 5, and Peaky Blinders: The Immortal Man.

That’s quite a mix of light-hearted and serious but I’ve taken a lot of enjoyment from them all. I don’t watch a lot of TV usually so it’s good to know I’ve caught up with quite a lot here.

And games have been…I’m not sure, actually. The World of WarCraft: Midnight campaign was completed and that felt really good to get into. I was talking to someone recently and said that I understand why everyone loves The Lord of the Rings and why people really get into the lore but I struggled to get through the books. And the films are great to watch but I was never really into it like that. World of WarCraft, however? Yeah, I’m no lore expert but whenever I pick up a book on it or explore the game, I am in that world and I love it all. So, I get the fascination with Lord of the Rings; it’s just that Azeroth is my Middle-earth instead.

Finally, I had hoped to write about some positive health and fitness changes here but this blog’s gone on longer than I had intended so I’ll park that for now.

Until next time, as always, stay safe and thank you for reading.

Paul.