I’ve been meaning to write this for about two months and the reason it has only appeared now, is because I have a slight lull in testing. It’s nearing the end of June and aside from some downtime for a holiday, I’ve spent most of the year back-to-back with new projects.

Time has flown by. I am quite certain that this is the first time since I was a child that I have been lost in something and taken real joy from it. I can’t think of very much that I’ve done that was simply for the fun of it. There’s no goal, no target, no chasing anything; only that I am enjoying the journey, and saying yes to almost every opportunity that comes my way.

I cannot, or will not, say what I have been testing, but each game is different and each one is enjoyable. I have been very lucky like that. Testing games to the standard I strive for and having fun at the same time is easily a favourite combination. In time, hopefully, I’ll be adding these to the website. So far, I think it is fair to say it has gone well.

With all this time being spent testing, I am often asked about money. It’s a combination of ‘So when are you going to start charging?’ and ‘Why give all this time and not earn anything from it?’, and I always give the answer, ‘Because it’s not why I test.’ It has been very interesting to me that only one person has ever asked me why I test, everyone else focuses on the money.

And I get it. These are fair questions. I do put a massive amount of time into testing. Dozens of hours of my free time, outside of a full-time job, and everything else day-to-day life throws at me. But money is not my prime motivator and I’ve recently put some thought into this, realising that as soon as I started researching how much I could charge for my time, I started to lose interest in testing altogether. In fact, I think it affected how I was testing. And don’t get me wrong, I like money. It’s good. It can open doors and opportunities to take this further, and so on, but as soon as I started seriously considering it, I felt sad. I felt sad because that is not why I test.

This went on for a couple of weeks and the turning point was when I stopped for a moment, quietened my mind, and asked myself the simple yet significant question: What does my heart tell me?

It told me to keep faith with the path I am walking. I do this for the love of it, and the pleasure I take from everything it has brought me so far, like learning how games are made and what goes into the creative process. And this isn’t new information. Go and look at my Twitter/X bio. ‘Happiest when creating and learning.’ It’s taken years for me to realise that this one sentence is probably the closest to truth than any I have uttered before when talking about myself. I enjoy being in these creative environments.

Since I started testing games, I have been introduced to a world of developers, writers, artists, musicians, voice actors, content creators, industry legends; all incredibly hard-working, talented individuals. Do you know what that is like for someone like me who craves learning and creativity? It’s like winning the lottery.

And none of the developers I test for have ever asked me to do as much as I have. It is just me wanting to do a thorough job. If I sit here after testing thinking I could have done more, it doesn’t feel right, and they won’t get the feedback they seem to really need and appreciate. That I enjoy it anyway makes it all the more wonderful when it is useful. I also feel like this is an opportunity to build a good reputation and when someone thinks ‘I need someone to test my game.’, maybe they will think of me.

Money might come but it cannot be a focus. It’s about the enjoyment and keeping my standards high. I truly believe that no matter what you do, if you do it to the best of your ability, it will be noticed. In every pursuit I’ve made in my life, doing the best I can has led to something else. I won’t always test but I can see the doors this has opened so far. The feedback I receive is beyond anything I could have hoped for, and it’s consistent. It is noticed and it is remembered. All I really have to do is say ‘Yes.’

And to anyone I’ve spoken to who insists I should be charging, I hear you. I understand where you are coming from but, to be honest, I’m getting so much more from this experience than money can buy that it really balances out anyway.

So, I’ll park this. I don’t envisage me ever writing about it again. It was more to share my experiences in recent months when it comes to being asked about money and what my thinking is right now. To me, it’s done. I know my path, I can see the direction I’m going in, and I think I have to trust that it is heading somewhere I feel very excited about.

What’s next?

More testing. It looks like I have things lined up for the next few months. I’ve found that I can manage two or three games at a time and make that work. Usually there’s a gap between games being updated by developers so I can manage the rotation. I’m always happy to hear from anyone who wants testing done. All they need do is ask. If I can, I will. I also factor in downtime so I don’t burn out. That’s important.

Aside from this, I do have some long-term creative projects that I will sit down and work on in the form of books, plus a personal gaming wish list of things I’ve always wanted to do.

For the books, I have three in mind. They are either started, or the basic premise is written down. I try my best to not leave ideas floating around my head otherwise they will always drift off into the ether, never to be seen again.

The first book is just for me. The laziest way to describe it is to say it is a gaming diary but it is more than that. It’s my gaming story over thirty-five years with extras thrown in along the way. It’s also practice. I want to see how difficult it is to actually commit to writing a book. I have my chapters, my target page count, word count, whatever. I also know it’s not easy. I mean, three times I’ve tried to write this blog and it’s changed almost entirely from the original topic. But it excites me. I do it for me. To learn. To create. To have a book I’ve written on my bookshelf, next to the books of my favourite authors.

The second book is an adventure book, like those Fighting Fantasy ones I used to love as a kid, and have added back into my collection in recent years. I don’t like my working title but I think the battle system I’ve created is fairly strong. I may even need testers of my own for that when the time comes. I’d also like to collaborate with a couple of people I have in mind for this one. It’s one of those where if they agree to it, I am certain they would take it to the next level. I think I can complete this one alone but whether it remains just for me or goes out into the world may depend upon that collaboration. I’m undecided. I will certainly approach it with the same attitude as I do with testing, which should give me a strong foundation. We’ll see.

The third book is the book. This one could be very special. I’ve landed on a title, I’ve got some fantastic ideas, I know my characters, and I know the story. I have already shed a few tears when writing parts of it. If it is any good, I’ll be making this one available to all.

I also know that I’ll write whatever comes. I can follow structure but if book 3 gets more attention than book 1 for a while, I’m OK with that. After all, I’m under no deadline here. I just need to chip away regularly and commit to it.

As for my personal gaming wish list:

1. There are certain individuals (whom I won’t name here) that I would love to work with and learn from. I have questions about their careers, their challenges, successes, the way they work, what they are doing right now, and so on. There is so much knowledge out there, and whether I use any of that or not, I’m just really keen to learn from the people who have crafted or been involved with the games (or books, actually. There’s crossover here.) that I have loved playing, be they recent or decades old. If I can work with, learn from these people, and contribute to something creative, I’m happy.
2. Be an NPC in a game, with my own, written side quest and back story. Top of the list, because I’ve always been a big fan, is World of WarCraft. Maybe I can will this into existence here? A human in Ironforge called Paul James who has been accepted by the Dwarves for his craftmanship and skill as a [insert profession here]. But really, any game is up for discussion, and I’ll need to work hard and earn it.
3. Trying some voice acting. Maybe. I don’t know about that. I’ve never tried it before but I’m happy to throw some noises around, and see what happens. (That may sound a bit disingenuous! I DO NOT believe voice acting is just throwing noises around but I did like the feel of those words forming together in my mind and the image it gave me!).
4. Write something for a magazine.
5. An achievement in a game. I am an achievement hunter. To have my own, linked to a character in-game, that’s just a very cool gamer want. Add it to the NPC stuff above (see 2) to wrap that all up nicely.
6. Something, anything, Fighting Fantasy based. 
7. To be part of a small development team, which is where I thrive most. But that’s for another blog topic I have in mind.
8. I’ll stop here. It could go on forever.

As I write this list, however unrealistic it may seem, I cannot help but believe that if I keep following the path I am on, while keeping to the high standards I set myself, they could become a reality. Why not? I’m old enough to know that hard work pays off and there’s possibility here, within the gaming community, to just go for it.

So, I am going to keep following this path because it is tremendous fun. I think back over the last two years and smile when I remember the people I’ve met, the games I’ve tested, and what has come from it all. I love being part of a community where not only do I enjoy what is created but I am now actually contributing to those creations.

This is a world I had no idea I would be part of in this way and, like I’ve mentioned in the past, long may it continue.

Until next time.

Paul.